This is a guest commentary. The views and opinions of the author may not always represent those of the Centre for Care.
Navigating Life as a Young Adult carer
Life as a young adult is often a time of self-discovery and newfound independence. However, for some of us, it is a journey marked by immense responsibility and profound challenges. At 16 years old, whilst my peers were focused on school and social lives, I became a carer, a role that shaped my youth in ways I could never have anticipated.
It began with my mother being diagnosed with cancer and entering palliative care. The gravity of her condition was overwhelming, but the real burden came from the secrecy my parents insisted upon. They feared that if anyone knew of my responsibilities, social services might deem it neglect or abuse and take me away. So, I silently bore the weight, without support or guidance, dedicated to my mother and my sister, who sustained brain damage at a young age.
Balancing caregiving with schoolwork was a constant struggle. I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but the fear of being taken away from my family prevented me from seeking the support I desperately needed. My desire to attend university was a crucial step towards gaining independence and living my own life. I eventually shared this with my family so they could arrange for other care and support while I prepared for university. Unfortunately, when I voiced my intention to pursue higher education, I faced harsh rejection. My family, feeling abandoned and betrayed, kicked me out. Homeless and heartbroken, I found refuge with a friend’s grandmother, becoming her carer as she battled dementia. Forced into another challenging situation, I was ill-prepared and unaware of the resources available to me.
The days were long and difficult as I tried to keep up with my university work, which I had resorted to doing exclusively online. My friend’s grandmother had no friends and limited family, and I had no experience with dementia. We struggled together until I sought help from a social worker. Unfortunately, this brought more problems than solutions. The strangers coming in to provide support only frightened her more, and I felt my voice and my understanding of her needs were being ignored. Her condition worsened over the year until it became clear she needed more comprehensive care. Reluctantly, I helped transition her into a care home where she could receive the constant attention she required.
This pattern of caregiving followed me. Now, I am caring for another friend’s grandmother, who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. However, this time is different. With the support of the Carers Trust and Age UK, I have access to valuable resources and assistance. The path remains challenging, and the lack of close friends due to the unique demands of caregiving continues to be a struggle. Many people my age do not fully understand the responsibilities and limitations that come with being a carer, which creates a gap in relating to my experiences. The support network makes a significant difference, even as I navigate the difficulties of balancing caregiving with my own needs and aspirations.
Transitions that matter
Being a young adult carer is a journey filled with transitions, both in life and in caregiving roles. These transitions are marked by shifts in responsibility, emotional resilience, and the need for constant adaptation. They highlight the bittersweet balance of giving care and seeking one’s own path. Today, I navigate this journey with more support and awareness, but the emotional toll remains a constant companion. Each day, I strive to find a balance between caring for others and carving out a space for my own aspirations, holding onto the hope that one day, I will be able to fully pursue my dreams while honouring the incredible journey that has brought me here. The transitions I’ve experienced have not only shaped my perspective but have also instilled in me a profound understanding of resilience and the importance of community support.
More in this commentary series
Click here to read more in the Transitions that Matter series.